Stressed Out

Why do I have to act like a mother figure when I am not? Why am I held responsible of taking care of a minor, when it is not MY kid? Why am I being paid LESS than what I could possibly make if I was working elsewhere? I seriously cannot stand babysitting & I can't see myself sitting at home taking care of my little sister anymore. I don't see myself doing so & I am not happy doing it. I just don't want to do it, that's a fact. Sometimes, I just wish my mom never made a dumbass mistake and gave birth to her, but that's just too cruel to say, but it is somewhat true. Otherwise, I could just take care of myself & do me, instead of having to worry about another young one. & I could possibly have moved out or been responsible of my own being, instead of be responsible & careful on how my actions can affect another young one. I just HATE this burden on me, I AM NOT HAPPY. I don't want to be held accountable taking care of someone. I ain't making shiiittt. $300 ain't taking me no where. $100 goes to braces, another $100 to gas for the month, & $100 JUST for MYSELF? That ain't enough. I've been a broke ass for the past month now. Sick & tired of this. I don't want to babysit. I just want to leave her fucking home alone, thank goodness my stepdad still works early morning shifts and comes home in time to leave the door open for her & take care of her. But shiiit, I am NOT trying to apply for full-time/part-time jobs for the next 5 months & give them crappy availability hours because I have to fucking babysit. No, I don't want to do it. I've had enough. I need $$$ NOW. I need to be able to pay for my summer vacation & just save up. I need $700+ by July/August, which is coming soon, but I haven't made jackshit to be able to put money aside to save & add up so it will be enough by the time summer hits. I HATE asking my parents for money when the $300 is just not enough. & when I fucking do ask them for gas money because I ran out of the $300 or because that monthly payment just was not enough, they be like, where the hell did the gas money I just gave you last week go? Did you give it away? Where the hell did you drive to? Uhm shit & with the gas price increasing...I probably will eventually have to ask them for more money & I hate how they treat me. Its already hard enough asking for money when I have ALWAYS been independent and handled all my finances, except for my insurance & what not. But still, I never bother my parents for anything. Gaaahh!

Learning How to Cook!

http://www.laurainthekitchen.com/

I just watched a couple of her videos on how to cook & damn, she is good! 

Talented & everything. AND, she's pretty. (:

Trey Songz, Why You Gotta Be So Sexxayy?!

Love Faces - Trey Songz IS THE SHIT ! (;

Goodbye T-Mobile

Ever since my phone plan got cancelled with Vincent because we didn't pay our bills, I would ALWAYS depend on my parent's spare phone & use it & add text message for my own benefit. Recently, my mom told me that they are planning on cancelling their cellphone contract with T-Mobile because their 2 year contract was over, but I doubted them. Now, 2 hours ago, my cellphone suddenly lost signal & then it popped up an error message that said it could not recognize my sim card and could no longer register it...so I was like whaaa?! So I decided to go on T-Mobile.com to see what the problem was, turns out, T-Mobile told me I couldn't log onto my account or access it anymore because the phone number I had, is now cancelled. How sad! I've depended on this phone ever since summer of 2009 when my family threw away my sim card with Vincent. Now, I have nothing besides Vincent's company phone which I don't know how to use at all...I'm so sad. I also worry because I'm afraid Vincent's going to need this phone eventually & give it to one of his patrol officers, so what then? What phone WILL I use? I always gotta look to the future & figure things out for myself.

School

I actually miss going to school right now, I'm not having any luck with finding a job from Monday to Friday, & I'm doing absolutely nothing with my life right now & it just bothers me...I need to do SOMETHING. I can't just sit around for the next 5 months doing NOTHING. I need to make up $700 to pay up for my vacation this summer, but I also need to prepare myself to focus on school once I start again. But I've been so bored lately doing nothing. I don't know...I just miss studying or being occupied and having something to do. =/

WORLD'S BEST GIRLFRIEND!

Out of all the awards I've ever received in my entire life, 
I think this is the BEST award I've ever gotten. PRICELESS. <3

My Favorite Thing To Do...

is sleeping with my boyfriend & cuddling with him <3

I've been sleeping at his house 'til 3am for the past couple days. 

I love waking up to him holding me in his arms. (:

Marriage

Boyfriend talked to me about getting engaged recently. He told me he planned on proposing to me THIS summer & today, he asked me when I would like to get married - Of course, we all know that I want to get married at age 21, but date-wise, I want to get married on August 18, 2012. I already planned the date and all ahead of time because like I said, I want to be married by the time I am 21. August 18, 2012 is a good day to get married because it is on a Saturday, it's 8 days after my 21st birthday, and its 2 days after our dating anniversary, so it all works out. I'll be married a little after I turn 21 & it's on the same month as our dating anniversary and my wonderful birthday month. Plus, it'd be during the end of summertime so it'd be REAL nice & warm & sunny out still. I'm excited though. I really hope Vincent comes through with his plan. I'll be one happy girl with a dream wedding that will come true. I have no clue how he's going to propose to me or whether or not he's going to ask me before or after our family vacation to Florida...and how he's going to get the money to buy me the ring? But let's not question that and just be positive and hope my dreams & his plans come through! I honestly can say that being with Vincent for almost 4 years now, I have noticed and learned that we have grown into one another, we get along so well now, and we are more mature about things compared to how we were a few years ago. I am proud and honored to know that he is actually planning on settling down with ME and has our engagement/wedding in the back of his head right now. It's good to know that I have found someone that will be mine for a lifetime. In the end, Vincent and I were always meant to be. <3

My Favorite Store

So...I went job hunting today, but most of the stores I was interested in was not hiring...Luckily, I went into Alderwood Mall's Aeropostale & it was completely dead so I was able to talk with the person that was working there - I think she was a manager, but I'm not sure - Anyways, she ended up talking to me about my availability and she gave me an application. I filled it out right then & there and gave it back to her. I HOPE I GET THE JOB!! While I was filling out the application, I totally forgot I currently have a job and work for Sears on the weekends...so hopefully that didn't dock me off from being hired since weekends are usually when retail needs you...

Fucking Broke

I hate being fucking broke. 
I wouldn't mind having a couple of this in my bank account or pocket. 
Shiiiiettt.

You Know What I Wanna Know...?

What is everyone doing with THEIR lives?! What are THEIR plans?! What is THEIR future looking like so far?! Am I the only one stressing about my career & future? I sure feel like I am. I know I don't want to do Nursing anymore, I want to do Medical Assistant for sure now...but dude, I am almost 20 years old & probably have another year or two to finish school since I'm changing my major and planning on going to Everett CC for their Medical Assistant Program, but fuucckkk. I want to be doing SOMETHING with my life NOW. I should already be close to finishing up by now. Since I am changing my major, I have to take a whole bunch of different classes I never took before because it's not really related to the Nursing Program & it has different requirements. I feel so behind in life... :( Plus, I've been slacking on my Anatomy homework all week! I've been stressing about registering for Spring Quarter, thinking of what other major I am interested in, & what classes I should take for Spring. But I feel like its too late now, Spring Quarter Registration starts today for me, yet I don't think I'm planning on going to Shoreline anymore. It's either I transfer to Everett CC or I don't go to school for 3 months...but I DO want to go to school, I don't want to slack off and procrastinate and be lazy...I am just really lost right now. I need guidance, I need help, I need my brother........... :(

Providence Medical Center

 

 Volunteering @ the hospital my father passed away at.